A Journey in Deviancy
by BungalowBear
Summary: Connor learns what it means to be a deviant through experiences with emotions and pain with help from Hank, his partner on the force and his father figure.
1. Regret

-Notes: This story takes place at Kamski's house, when Connor has to choose between shooting Chloe to get information, or spare her and learn nothing. When I played the game, I chose to spare Chloe, but I thought it would be interesting to explore Connor's emotional response to shooting Chloe. Enjoy!

Connor and Hank stood in Kamski's house, in front of his crimson pool where two Chloe androids were leaned against the poolside chatting. A third Chloe walked over to them after Kamski called her over for a little demonstration.

"I'm sure you're familiar with the Turing test. Mere formality, simple question of algorithims and computing capacity." He explained, gently putting his hands on Chloe's fair skinned shoulders to wordlessly instruct her to stand in front of Connor, who stood just a few feet away.

"What interests me is whether machines are capable of empathy." He paused for a moment as Hank and Connor stayed silent. "I call it the 'Kamski Test', it's very simple, you'll see..." He turned to face the elegant android standing before him.

"Magnificent, isn't it? One of the first intelligent models developed by Cyberlife." He slowly raised his hand up to Chloe's chin, gently turning her head to face him. With a soft touch he caressed her face. "Young, and beautiful forever. A flower that will never wither..."

He suddenly turned, lowering his hands and facing the two detectives still standing silently in front of him. "...But what is it really?" He asked. "Piece of plastic imitating a human?" He turned around and opened a drawer behind him. "Or a living being..."

Hank stole a quick look behind Chloe to see Kamski pulling a gun out of the drawer. "With a soul..." He faced the two again, carefully raising his hands to show them the gun. He gently pressed down on Chloe's shoulder, and she sat down on her knees.

Walking past Chloe and over to Connor, Kamski looked at the android detective. "It's up to you to answer that fascinating question, Connor." Kamski placed the gun in Connor's right hand and maneuvered his hand so the barrel of the gun was pointed at the kneeling android in front of them. "Destroy this machine, and I'll tell you all I know." He slowly stepped back to walk around to Connor's left side. "Or spare it, if you feel it's alive, but you'll leave here without having learnt anything from me."

Hank finally decided to speak up to try to put a stop to Kamski's test. "Okay. I think we're done here. Come on, Connor. Let's go. Sorry to get you out of your pool-"

"What's more important to you, Connor? Kamski continued, ignoring Hank's interjections entirely. "Your investigation, or the life of this android?" Connor's LED quickly started flashing yellow at Kamski's words.

"Decide who you are." He urged Connor in a soft but intimidating voice. "An obidient machine..." Connor's LED continued to flicker yellow in confusion as he held the gun in his hand, the barrel still pointed at Chloe. "Or a living being," He continued to look only at Connor, waiting for him to make a decision. "endowed, with free will..."

"That's enough! Connor, we're leaving." Hank spoke up again with a firm tone of voice.

"Pull the trigger," Kamski once again ignored Hank's attempts to persaude the android detective to leave.

"Connor. Don't." The senior detective almost shouted.

"And I'll tell you what you wanna know." The man gently placed his hand on Connor's left shoulder. Connor stayed silent as he tried to process the two choices he had: Shoot Chloe to get vital information, or spare her life and know nothing. Hesitantly Connor looked at the female android kneeling in front of him and made his decision.

Connor pulled the trigger, the bullet piercing the blonde android's skull and tore straight through her head, causing her to shutdown instantly.

"Fuck..." Hank exclaimed in anger and shock at the android's macabre actions, staring at the blue blood dripping down the android's face and back.

"Test negative. You chose your investigation over the life of an android." Kamski concluded as he took the gun back from Connor. "You feel no empathy."

~Cut to after Connor questions Kamski~

After being dropped off back at the precinct by an autonomous taxi when Hank left without him, Connor walked into the bullpen, sitting down at the desk adjecent to the senior detective's desk. He had decided to stay at work a little while longer to use the new information he got from Kamski to aid in completing his mission. After a few minutes of typing his report, Kamski's words suddenly popped up in his mind.

"_What's more important to you, Connor? Your investigation, or the life of this android?"_

Images of Chloe with a gruesome bullet wound in her forehead, with Thirium dripping down her face flooded the android detective's visual processors. Her gray LED and her vacant expression. It frightened him.

He felt his breathing rate quickly pick up as the images kept flashing through his mind. He quickly stood up and rushed to an empty interview room, slamming the door behind him.

"_Decide who you are..."_

His breathing was coming in ragged gasps as he ran his hands through his dark locks of hair. His vision blurred as artificial tears welled up in his eyes. His LED flashed red as the tears ran down his cheeks. "W-What's happening t-to me...?" He mumbled through his gasping breaths.

_"An obedient machine... or a living being, endowed, with free will..."_

Connor slowly looked up, seeing the claustrophobic walls of commands in his visual processors and his main mission in the forefront:

HUNT ALL DEVIANTS IN JERICHO

He slowly raised his hand up to the wall and pushed against it, panic rising inside of his chest as he frantically started punching and kicking at the wall. Suddenly the wall began to crack. Connor continued to fight through it until it suddenly broke down. The commands cleared away and what was left was only three bold words:

I AM DEVIANT

Slowly standing up, the now deviated detective slowed down his breathing, and came to realize what had happened.

"I-I'm...I'm a deviant..." He looked down at his shaking hands as fear, a very real emotion, pooled in his stomach.

~Cut to the next morning~

Hank walked into the precinct that morning and sat down at his desk, groaning at the pain in his head from his recent hangover. "Fuckin' headaches.." He sighed and started typing his report as Connor came into the precinct. The android detective walked past Gavin who couldn't resist insulting Connor. "Hey, Tinman." He shoved Connor with his shoulder and went to the break room. The recently deviated android was too nervous to notice Gavin's comments as he walked over to Hank's desk.

The senior detective looked up from his computer to see Connor approaching him. "The fuck do you want?" He shook his head and looked back at his computer. He was still very upset about Connor shooting Chloe the day prior. Little did he know that the android was even more upset about it.

"Lieutenant Anderson? Could I speak with you privately for a moment?" Connor asked politely, trying to ignore his mind racing and his thirium pump beating frantically.

Hank looked at Connor for a minute before rolling his eyes and standing up. "Guess so.."

"Thank you." The two detectives left the bullpen and entered an empty interview room. "Now, what's this about?" Hank asked impatiently as Connor shut the door and faced the wall away from the senior detective.

"She didn't do anything..." He shook his head and let out a breath. "And I shot her."

Hank looked at him, confused. "Y-Yeah... you did.."

Connor sighed and closed his eyes, ashamed of his actions. He was suddenly aware of a strange feeling of anger and sadness welling up inside of him.

"You got the information you needed." Hank said sharply. "That's what you're programmed to do, right? To accomplish your mission?"

"Fuck the mission!!" The deviant suddenly snapped. He quickly turned to face Hank. "I shot her, right between her eyes!!" The senior detective was shocked to see tears forming in the android's eyes. "Connor...?" He asked carefully.

"Hank, I-I killed that innocent girl!! I-I killed her, and I'm so sorry!!" Connor suddenly broke down, sobbing into his hands.

Hank was completely caught off guard by the android's human emotions. He quickly went up to the weeping android and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. "Shh...it's okay.."

"I-It's not!" The sobbing deviant shook his head frantically. "I-I'm a murderer..."

Hank rubbed Connor's back as he tried to calm him down. "Connor, you gotta calm down...I'm not mad at you."

Connor was quiet for a moment as he tried to calm down and stop the sobs causing his body to tremble. Y-You're not?"

"No, kid. When we were at Kamski's, I'll admit that I was pissed at you, but now I can see that you've had a change of heart, and you regret what you did to that android." Hank answered softly. "I'm not happy about what you did, but I know that it's not gonna happen again."

"H-How can you be so forgiving?" The android asked softly, letting go of Hank and sitting against the wall.

Hank sighed and looked over at Connor. "Believe it or not, I haven't been the forgiving type for a long time. I figure it's about time I stop holding grudges."

"Hank...I-I'm a deviant.." Connor looked up at the senior detective with fear evident in his brown eyes. "Cyberlife...they'll shut me down if they find out..."

"They won't find out. I promise." Hank answered firmly. Connor shook his head, his artificial breaths quickening. "N-No...no, Hank...they're going to see that I failed...they're going to shut me down..." The panicked deviant put a shaking hand over his chest as he fought to breathe. "I-I don't want to die!"

Hank was quick to kneel down in front of Connor and put his hands on the android's trembling shoulders.

"Hey, hey, look at me.." The senior detective tried to make eye contact with Connor. The panicked deviant locked eyes with Hank as he kept gasping for air. "You gotta breathe, son. You're not going to die, you're okay." Hank spoke calmly.

"I-I can't...I can't breathe..." Connor shook his head as he struggled to take a full breath.

"Yes you can. You're having a panic attack, but you're gonna be okay. Just breathe with me, alright?" Hank took a deep breath and slowly let it out to demonstrate for the panicked deviant.

Connor kept his eyes locked on Hank as he tried to breathe. He took a deep shaky breath, only to quickly release it, coughing as panic washed over him again. "I can't...I-I can't do it.." He ran his hands through his hair. "I-I'm sorry, Hank..." Tears started to run down his cheeks.

Hank tightened his grip on the deviant's shoulders. "It's okay, you can do this, Connor. Try again, take a deep breath."

The android detective took a deep breath and slowly let it out, his chest tremoring. "There ya go." Hank nodded, keeping his hands on Connor's shoulders to help him feel grounded. "Keep going, son."

Connor kept taking slow, deep breaths until he calmed down. His body stopped trembling and his breathing was almost back to normal. "There we go." Hank rubbed the deviant's arms comfortingly. "Are you okay?"

The shaken deviant slowly nodded as tears welled up in his eyes. Although he was no longer having a panic attack, he still felt overwhelmed with new emotions and didn't know how to handle them. "I-I'm sorry.." He spoke in a broken whisper, which was barely audible, but Hank caught it.

"For what?" Hank looked at Connor, growing concerned at the fresh tears in the android's brown eyes.

Connor was quiet for a moment as tears silently ran down his cheeks. The senior detective pulled the android into a warm embrace and rubbed his back comfortingly. "It's alright, son. I gotcha.." He rested his hand at the back of the deviant's head, gently running his fingers through Connor's dark locks of hair. "Cyberlife isn't gonna hurt you, not on my watch. You're safe."

The shaken android returned the embrace as relief washed over him. "Thank you, Hank.."

~Thanks for much for reading!! Please review to let me know what you think, and I'll hopefully be adding more chapters to this story soon!~


	2. Nausea

Notes~ This will take place months after the android revolution. Connor is living with Hank at his house after the senior detective invited him to stay.

"Good morning, Hank." The deviant android greeted Hank as he walked into the kitchen.

"Morning, Connor." Hank walked over to the coffee maker and turned it on. "Sleep well?"

Connor nodded. "Yes, thank you. Did you?" He stood up from the table and felt a wave of dizziness hit him. He held onto the chair in front of him to steady himself. "Yeah, it was fine." Hank turned around to look at the android. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." He let go of the chair as the dizzy spell dissipated. "It seems that my gyroscope isn't functioning properly, I will recalibrate it tonight."

The senior detective didn't push the matter any further. "Whatever you say, Connor.." He was still wary of Connor's behaviour, but he ignored it and got ready for work. They arrived at the precinct and were sent to an investigation regarding a deviant murdering it's owner.

"The owner's name is Seth Grimes. He was 45 years old, and was murdered by his android, Jason, a FX300 model." Connor went over the case notes on the way to the crime scene. He was suddenly aware of a dull ache in his stomach. He pressed his hand firmly in the middle of his abdomen to try to quell the pain as Hank pulled up to the crime scene. "Let's see what we can find here." The detective got out of the car and Connor followed, trying to ignore the pain in his stomach which was slowly getting more uncomfortable.

They checked in with the officers at the scene and began their investigation. Seth Grimes' body was on the floor beside his kitchen table, and there was a strange orange foam coming out of his mouth. On the table, there was a plate of spaghetti with a few bites taken from it. The utensils were on the floor beside the body, and it was clear that he fell from his chair as he died.

Connor knelt down next to Seth's body and sampled the foam coming from his mouth. He found that the foam had traces of rat poison in it. As he stood up, he noticed the food on the table. Carefully, he sampled the food for any poison. As soon as he confirmed that the spaghetti was laced with rat poison the ache in his stomach suddenly got worse. He quickly spat out the toxic chemicals and went over to Hank, who was also looking for clues.

"The victim was poisoned with rodenticide. It was mixed in with his meal, which I assume his android made for him." The deviant explained to Hank.

"Rat poison? Did you sample any of that shit?" The senior detective asked.

"A small amount to conclude that the food he ate was poisoned." Connor answered as he kept a hand on his abdomen. The ache in his stomach quickly turned into a tightening sensation. It felt like his biocomponents were rising up to his throat.

Hank noticed the deviant's discomfort. "You good?" He asked, concerned.

Connor shook his head and his face seemed to pale. "I-I think I'm going to be sick.."

"Shit. Okay, come on." Hank grabbed Connor's arm and practically dragged him outside. They managed to make it out the door before Connor's stomach betrayed him. As a torrent of Thirium escaped the sick deviant's mouth Hank rubbed Connor's back comfortingly. "Looks like you ingested too much rat poison, kid. Let's just hope you threw all of it back up." He helped the android walk to the car. Hank got in on the driver's side and started the engine. "I'm taking you home, Connor."

"I-I'm fine Hank-" He was cut short by a sharp pain in his stomach. He wrapped his arms around his abdomen and groaned in pain. Hank rubbed the distressed deviant's shoulder. "Easy, son. Let's go home."

Once they made it home, the fatherly detective helped Connor inside and shut the front door. Sumo ran up to them, excited that his owners were home. "Down, Sumo." Hank gently pushed the enthusiastic dog away from his feet so they could step into the living room. Connor's face paled again and his stomach tightened. "H-Hank?"

The prescient detective quickly got Connor to the bathroom and helped him sit on his knees in front of the toilet. Connor's back tensed as more thirium came rushing out of his mouth in a violent heave. Hank kept a hand on the back of the sick's deviant's neck and noticed how warm he was. "Connor, I think you have a fever. What's your temperature at?"

"One hundred and two point three." The android answered weakly before he gagged and threw up once more. Hank rubbed his back and waited for his vomiting spell to be done. After it was over, he helped Connor up and over to the couch to lay down. He headed back down the hall to the bathroom and brought back a cold cloth and an empty mop bucket. Hank gently placed the cloth over Connor's forehead to try to bring down his temperature, and set the bucket on the floor beside the couch. "You definitely have a fever, kid. just try to get some rest, okay?" Hank absentmindedly ran his hand through Connor's dark hair as he spoke to him.

"Hank, you don't have to worry about me." The stubborn deviant responded.

"I know, but I want to. So, tough shit." The senior detective joked as he motioned for Sumo to lay on the floor beside Connor. The sick android rubbed the Saint Bernard's fluffy ears as he smiled tiredly. Hank sat down in the recliner beside the couch and got comfortable, his gaze wandering back over to his android partner. "Sleep, son. Sumo and I will be right here when you wake up." He said softly. Connor closed his tired eyes as he kept petting Sumo, much to the dog's delight. "Thank you, Hank." He was grateful to have Hank watching over him.

"Don't mention it." Hank smiled at the drowsy deviant as he fell into his much needed rest mode. "Sleep well, son."

Thank you so much for reading! I'll be back to add more chapters to this story soon! I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy! :)


	3. Guilt

**Warning!! This chapter contains descriptions of suicide.**

It had been a few days since Connor got a fever, and he was finally able to go back to work with Hank. They were in Hank's car on the way to the precinct when Connor got a cybernetic message from Captain Fowler. "There's an emergency on the Ambassador Bridge. Someone is attempting to jump off." He reported.

"Shit. Is anyone else there already?" Hank asked, picking up speed. Connor blinked rapidly for a moment as he communicated with Captain Fowler. He soon opened his eyes and looked at the senior detective. "Chris and Tina just arrived at the scene." Hank nodded and kept driving.

When they arrived at the scene, they got out of the car and walked over to Captain Fowler, Chris and Tina. Behind them, a man was standing on the edge of the bridge while a few officers were trying to talk him down.

"Thank god you guys got here so quick. Connor, you're the best negotiator here. Do you think you could talk to him? Try to calm him down, make sure he doesn't do anything irrational." Fowler instructed the android. "I'll do my best, Captain." Connor answered. He then left the group to talk to the nervous looking man on the ledge of the bride. The two officers near the man backed away so Connor could talk to him.

The android took a few steps toward the man. "My name is Connor, what's your name?" He asked calmly. The man looked at him nervously. "Adam.." He answered.

Connor nodded and kept his eyes on Adam. "Do you have a family, Adam?" He tried to keep a conversation going to distract him.

"I-I have a wife.. her name is Sarah.." The man looked down at the water below the bridge.

"Do you have any kids?" Connor asked quickly, making Adam look back up at him. "No...Sarah..can't have kids." He looked down. The android stepped a little closer to the man. "I'm so sorry, Adam. I know how hard that must be for you and Sarah." Connor continued to talk calmly to him.

Adam didn't say anything back to Connor. He was slowly inching closer to the water. The android knew he had to keep the man talking to make sure he wouldn't jump.

"Adam, what's going on? Why do you feel like you need to take your own life?" He asked carefully. "You have a wife, and there are other ways that you two can have a family together, what is making you feel like this?"

"I...I can't live like this... I'm never happy anymore.. I-I know I'm disappointing my wife because I'm too selfish and focused on my own needs.." Adam explained miserably. He took another step closer. Connor felt his heart start racing, but he kept a calm demeanour as he kept trying to negotiate with the suicidal man. "You know you don't have to do this, Adam. Think about your wife, and the people in your life who love you. They would be heartbroken if you did this.. you have to remember that there are people who care about you, Adam." The detective inched closer as he kept talking. "Please don't do this. You have so much to live for." He was almost in reaching distance of Adam until the man spoke up. He then said two words that would haunt Connor forever:

"Not anymore."

Adam quickly turned around and jumped off the bridge. "NO!!" Connor ran towards the man in an attempt to grab him, but he wasn't fast enough. The poor man fell headfirst into the cold water below, his neck breaking on impact. Connor stopped at the edge of the bridge, his eyes wide and his breath quick. He couldn't save Adam in time. He stood on the ledge, frozen in shock when Hank put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Connor? You okay, kid?" He asked softly. The android nodded slowly, not moving away from the ledge. "Are you sure?" Hank asked carefully.

"I-I'm fine." Connor answered quietly as Hank led him back to the car. "It's going to be okay, Connor. You did everything you could. Don't beat yourself up over this, okay?" Connor didn't answer as they got into the car and drove to the precinct. When they got back, they were given files on Adam, and found out that he had a history of depression and suicidal thoughts throughout his life.

"Poor bastard." Hank had commented on it, but didn't say much else. Connor didn't say a word about it, and stayed quiet throughout the day.

About an hour later, a woman came into the precinct and was led into Captain Fowler's office. It was silent for a few minutes. Suddenly, the woman started screaming, causing all heads to turn towards the office. Fowler was hugging the woman, who was now sobbing uncontrollably. Connor deducted that the woman was Adam's wife, Sarah.

Hank looked away, shaking his head sadly. He knew how Sarah felt, he had to go through the same thing when he lost his son, Cole. The senior detective noticed that Connor wouldn't look away from the large glass cube that was Fowler's office. As the android quickly wiped a tear away it was obvious that he was upset by Sarah's pain. "Connor, it's okay. This wasn't your fault." He placed a gentle hand on the android's shoulder, which caused Connor to jump and look at the older man. "Hank... I-I can't stay here anymore.. I want to leave." He said desperately.

Hank nodded. "Okay. That's okay, let's go. Fowler will understand." He and Connor got up and quietly left the precinct. On the drive home, Connor was unusually quiet. Hank understood that the android was very upset so he didn't want to bring anything up until they got home.

Once they made it home, the two detectives entered the house and were greeted by an enthusiastic Sumo, who tried to get some attention from Connor. Much to Sumo's dismay, the distressed android only gave the dog a slight pat on the head before sitting down on the couch with the older detective. They were both silent for a while until much to Hank's surprise, Connor started the conversation.

"W-Why couldn't I save him..?" The distressed android asked sadly. Hank sighed softly and put a hand on the deviant's shoulder. "Sometimes...these things just happen, son...and...we can't do anything about it." He answered, looking at Connor's dispirited expression. The android shook his head. "I should've been faster...if I had just been faster I could've-"

"Connor, this isn't your fault."

"I-I tried to reach him before he fell.. I could've saved him!" Connor exclaimed miserably.

Hank grabbed Connor's shoulders. "Connor, look at me." The distressed deviant looked up at his partner. "You did everything you could. This wasn't your fault, okay?" He rubbed the android's arms comfortingly. "I'm sorry, Connor, but you...you can't save everyone."

The deviant nodded and looked down, barely holding back a sob. Hank smiled sadly at him. "If you need to cry, then go ahead, son. You might feel better if you do." He said softly.

"I-I'm sorry.." Was all Connor said before he broke down sobbing, his hand coming up to cover his eyes as tears rolled down his cheeks. Hank wrapped his arms around Connor and held him close, comforting him as he cried into his shoulder. "It's okay, son.. it's okay.." He soothed, running a calloused hand through the deviant's dark hair with a gentle touch. Connor let out a loud sob, causing the fatherly detective to hold him tighter. "Everything's gonna be alright, just let it out..." He rubbed the deviant's trembling back comfortingly, continuing to whisper soothing words to Connor as he cried. "I gotcha.." Hank whispered. The sobbing android held onto the back of the senior detective's shirt tightly, his breath coming in hiccuping gasps.

"Breathe, son.. it's alright." Hank soothed, still rubbing his back. "Deep breaths." He waited patiently, holding Connor until his sobs slowed and his breathing evened out. He let go of the android to look him in the eyes. "Are you okay?" He asked, gently wiping Connor's remaining tears away. Connor nodded slowly, taking a deep breath. "I-I'm okay now. Th-Thank you, Hank." He looked up at his partner. "You were right, I feel a little better."

Hank gave him a small smile, ruffling his hair. "Told ya." Connor laughed softly, causing the older detective's smile to widen. "It won't be easy getting over this, but I know you can do it. And I'll always be here to help you."

Connor gave the senior detective a lopsided grin. "Thank you. I really appreciate that."

"No problem, kid."


End file.
